Recently I watched a video by Tara Brach on “How to overcome feeling unworthy”. It is part of a three part series of videos on self-esteem, made available through www.nicabm.com. Although the videos are no longer online, I’d like to share the sentiment and value of her message, as I feel it is much needed in this world of constant critique and criticism.

 

This journey into the light of healthy self-esteem helps one to cultivate unconditional care and acceptance for ourselves. Our self-esteem impacts our ability to connect with others. Tara states that one of mankind’s greatest regrets on our deathbeds is not living true to ourselves. We spend too much time living according to other’s expectations, caught in our own self-judgements, limiting our love for ourselves and restricting our creativity.

 

Ask yourself: Are you living from your heart?

 

Or are you living from your head, and the influences of society that beset us with expectations that are beyond our inner awareness?

When we are in harsh self-judgement, we are not in tune with ourselves. Self-esteem is a tricky thing. We get defensive, and are unable to be vulnerable or intimate. We get down on ourselves and ultimately, don’t like ourselves. We act and react to triggers, which takes us further away from the way we want to be. Trapped in limiting beliefs, painful emotions like anxiety and depression are evoked. Our identity becomes marked by feelings of deficiency, and we disconnect from our full love and sense of aliveness.

To heal the heart, we need to learn to be our own best friend; to befriend ourselves. When we are at war with ourselves, we hate our bodies, and never feel good enough. Our harsh inner judge that is invisible but always ever present has us feel inadequate, as if we are never doing enough. We feel flawed, like something is wrong with us. We are anxious, depressed, driven and completely overwhelmed. Not at peace with any part of life. This deep loneliness comes from a sense of never feeling good enough, a sense of deep personal deficiency. However, it is important to know this and to know if fully, completely and intuitively – you can heal if you can face your pain.

Please be kind to yourself and respond lovingly to yourself with care. Live more from your true authentic self. Find your way home. By recognizing the present moment and emotion, we can be kind to the part of us that is afraid of failing and feels by adding judgement, we will push ourselves to be greater.

To touch into your compassion, ask yourself these two questions:

  1. What’s happening?
  2. Can I be with this with kindness?

 

By asking “What is happening inside me?”, we are inspired to look within and get conscious about our internal dialog and workings. Look inward and notice whatever calls your attention – feelings, sensations, moods. Now ask – “can I be with this?” What do you notice when you set an intention to treat yourself with care and kindness? All of our fears, insecurities and wounded places have a light shone on them, as we awake out of this façade of unworthiness. Stay tuned for video 2 “Silencing Self-Judgement” in my May newsletter edition.